Exeat
by Aislin Cross
Summary: Regulus Black will always remember the day his brother left home...


You know those moments when your life changes forever and you don't always know it at the time? For me it came in late July, on one of those rainy grey afternoons you sometimes find in London. The morning had been usual enough, I suppose. Mother yelling at Sirius, Sirius rolling his eyes, Mother yelling a bit more, Sirius leaving the room, Mother following and Sirius yelling. Patterns enough to live our lives by, I thought, curling up in Father's chair and staring out the window of the library watching the torrent grow stronger and wishing it were strong enough to drown out the screaming.

It was a vain hope of course. If Sirius had inherited one thing from Mother it was her legendary temper, and when the two of them were together, well just about anything might happen. Shouting down the house? If we hadn't had the proper housekeeping charms applied, who knew? An amusing image certainly, the roof flying up and away, perhaps Mother going with it and still screaming something at Sirius.

"Why can't you be more like your brother?" perhaps, because even then that was a favourite and had been shouted at least five times over lunch alone. I wished she wouldn't say that, there were things about me not all that great and so many things about Sirius that were the opposite. As far as it seemed to me then, the only bad thing about Sirius was his Gryffindor status and a few of his 'friends'.

While these things were enough for Mother to get started on, complaining he was defiling the house with his presence, it never seemed that way to me. True, it was a bit disgraceful having to associate with one of them, but when the one of them was Sirius, things like school houses became suddenly less important, at least away from school, and so long as he kept his half-breed, mudblooded friends away from me and my things, what did it much matter what he did with the rest of his life? It was not a life for me no, but Sirius had a knack for seeking out, even embracing the unconventional and making it look good.

Clearly Mother didn't think so now, or at any point as she continued screeching, Sirius continued shouting and I continued staring at A History Of Magic, as though the act of paging through it alone would tell me what to write about Witch Burning that even Binns might appreciate. But…nothing so far, nothing but the rain, the shouting, a slamming door, the dusty leather musk smell of old books and a sudden terrible silence that went on for I don't know how long.

It shouldn't have been that way, I think I knew it even at thirteen, but it was, because it somehow had to be, even if it wasn't right. That still didn't mean I had to like it though, I though, curling further into the enormous chair, liking the worn velvet as it pressed against my shoulders, and wishing things could somehow be different.

"Reggie." I'd fallen asleep I think, because when I looked out the window again, the grey had managed to become dark, and the rain had become what sounded like a light drizzle. "Reeeggie." Sirius repeated, reaching over to ruffle my hair. "Come on Reg, I need to talk to you."

"Hmm?" I blinked, sitting up as I caught sight of the rucksack and trunk at his feet. "You're going to stay with That Potter then? I thought you weren't leaving until…"

"That's what I need to talk to you about." Sirius was clearly nervous, or this clearly wasn't very good news from the way he kept looking down at his hands, or his trunk, but never up at me. There was something about him too, that didn't look quite right, and did his eyes seem to sparkle just a little? Of course not, that was stupid, my brother never I cried /I or anything. ...Right?

"Well…what about it then?" I asked, leaning a little to watch him closer. "I don't think I blame you for wanting to get out of here this summer. Mother's being a bit…"

"It isn't just this summer Regulus. I…" Sirius sighed, and suddenly looked a lot older than someone who was almost sixteen should ever look. Tireder too, and all drawn up inside himself with a kind of sadness I'd only seen in pictures, the kind that made you tired just to look at it. As if…

"Well what is it then? If it's Mother, I'm sure that by Christmas…"

"I won't be here for Christmas, you know I can't stand it. Having to go round pretending we're…You've heard it all before, there's no point in rehashing, but Reggie, I just…" he sighed again and it seemed like I should hug him, dumb as it might have felt to me, he probably could use it, I thought, wrapping my arms around his broad shoulders and holding tight.

"You'll make this harder…" Sirius muttered, running a hand through my hair again, messing it up like he liked to do, as I tried to ignore what it seemed might be happening, to pretend I didn't understand. But feigning ignorance only does so much, and for both of us right then, it wasn't doing anything.

"Sirius.." I tried, knowing he wouldn't stay, that he couldn't even if he had wanted to. I shouldn't make it harder but a part of me still wished I could change things, change his mind, change Sirius. But there were things you just couldn't…

"You're still my brother Reggie." he told me quietly, straightening from the hug, and breathing, no sniffing, hard. "Don't let them tell you any different. If you can. I know that Mother won't…But you'll be all right if you're careful enough. It's…" he sniffed again, and pulled me to him for another, tighter hug. "Not much different from when I went to Gryffindor and you went to Slytherin after all, you were worried then, right? But that turned out…Well not perfectly but we're both still there and you know if you need me."

"I know." I said quietly, wondering which of us he was trying to convince again. "And I…" I did understand, sort of, but I couldn't quite make myself say it either. Understanding would make him only too eager to go away, maybe without even…

"Here." Sirius added hastily, reaching into his robes and handing me what looked like a small mirror. "James and I started charming these last term. For detention." he added, attempting a weak smile. "If you look in there, and say my name, I can look in mine and see you, and talk to you, so we'll always be together, okay?"

_No…_ But I guess it had to be. Slowly I nodded, relieved to see his smile stay. That was something at least, I thought, staring at the mirror and wondering if it really did all of that and what it might mean if it didn't.

"Good then…They'll be back soon so I probably…It isn't you Reggie, you know that right? Right." He decided, swallowing hard as he reached for the floo powder and tossed some in the fireplace. "Godric's Hollow." he called clearly as he stepped inside. "Godric's Hollow." He repeated as the flames licked around him, and was gone.


End file.
